It’s been a long time since I have blogged, and to be honest with you, I have been suffering from writer’s block when it comes to my blog. I have all these ideas regarding my blogs, but when it comes down to it, I can’t put my fingers to the keyboard. I have recently realized that part of my problem with writing is that I need to work on my vulnerability. It’s not easy for me to express myself outside of anger. I am good with bottling things, but now I’m noticing it’s affecting my writing. I’m working on being more vulnerable and letting people in, and I know that will be hard as hell, but writing is my first love, and with any relationship, you have to work on it.
Although I haven’t been blogging, I am proud to say that my weight loss and fitness journey have been going well. I have lost over 80lbs. I’m pleased to say that I am closer to my goal than I have been in a long time. This time, I am more determined than I have been in a long time. The last time I had a significant weight loss, it was for superficial reasons, and when my life took a significant hit (i.e., getting fired, transferring to a new account, and then COVID), I gained it all back and then some. I was in denial until I attempted to have my fat freeze, and when I sent them pictures of my body, they told me that I had too much body fat, and for the first time, I had no choice but to face the fact: this time I had to take it seriously not just my weight loss but my fitness journey.
Another reason I knew that I had to take my fitness journey seriously was when I was at work, I decided instead of moving my work vehicle around, I would choose to walk around, and after walking around for a while, I was in a lot of pain. I decided it was time to get my body back in good shape. Rule number one:” There is NO COMPETITION !! What I mean by competition is comparing myself to my younger self. In 2006, I don’t remember how much I weighed at the time, but I went up over four jean sizes. I did portion controls and cleaned my colon a few times; by August, I went down to a Guess size eight jeans. I have never been prouder. However, I gained it back and then some, and I only got back in my guess jeans when I was working with my high school best friend Zabrina; she trained me, and in a short time, I was back in the well-toned body. I realized that I have been competing with 2006 and 2010 Danielle, and there is no competition.
First off, I’m now in my forties, and it’s harder to lose weight now than it was in my twenties and thirties. So, I had to let go of the competition with the previous Danielle and rebuild myself. Rule number two: I had to fix my unhealthy relationship with food. Growing up, I couldn’t have sweets or more than one soda. I had one weakness: Fast food. My father and I would always have fast food after visiting my grandmother. I ate like this until something happened that I wasn’t expecting: puberty. I started getting hips and breasts; my shoulders were getting broader. I hate everything about it, so I went into control mode. I started smoking to control my eating, which worked to an extent. I also started cutting out my eating to one meal a day. I tried not to overeat on Saturday because my grandparents’ cooking was fattening and delicious. I still miss their cooking. On top of all that, I went crazy with the workout, longer running sessions, more crunches, and situps. That didn’t help me because I have an unhealthy relationship with food. I knew that this time around, I would not get into a ny skinny schemes; I had to figure out what were my food issues.
When I started back at the Ivy, I went cold turkey, no fast food, no McDonald’s apple pie (in my thirties, I fell in love with them), no simply lemonade. Following the diet to the letter, at first, I was losing nothing. I decided to have my thyroid test to see if that was preventing me from losing weight. My test came back normal, but my doctor told me that I was losing inches and, in the long run, that would be better for my weight loss journey. My doctor recommends that I do a plank for 5 minutes a day. I tried doing it, and well, I had no interest. I tried doing it for months. I even blog about it, but I could never get into it. Once again, I started getting down on myself. A little after I started back at the program, I learned I needed to buy a new car. I had my car for almost fourteen years.
The mechanic told me in early 2019 that I would need a car, but when the shit hit the fan in my personal life, it got pushed to the back of my mind. Let me tell you: I was trying to find a car, change my eating habits by not cheating, and dealing with personal issues; it felt like the world was against me. I found someone I thought I lost, and they helped me find my way: The old Danielle. I know that sounds crazy, but the old me is incredibly determined; you could tell me that it wouldn’t happen for me. However, I was determined, and 98% of the time, I got what I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, that drive has also got me in trouble. However, this time around, I didn’t jump off the ledge and do anything crazy. The weight started coming off, but this time, I didn’t just want to lose the weight. I want to rebuild my body from the ground up.
Rule number three: There are no rules regarding fitness, and modifications do not weaken you. Remember when I wrote earlier that I competed with the younger me? That includes working out because I was in a better place. I want to hit the ground running. But I knew I had to start with what worked for me and what didn’t. I began by giving up the Tone It Up! app. Don’t get me wrong, the Tone It Up! app was nice, and I enjoyed some of the workouts, but it wasn’t a good fit for me. So, when my year was up, I gave up the app. I focus on three apps: Fiton (I love the workouts), Cathe ( I love her step workouts and her HIIT workout), and the workouts on YouTube. The next step cleaning up my playlists. My playlists mainly were when I competed with myself mode. I start with removing workouts I don’t like, and I know I won’t get there with these workouts. I focus on a workout that works for me, and most importantly, I feel good about myself after the training.
I started initially and found a trainer who helped change my fitness game: Lucy Wyndham-Read. LWR, as I call her, first came across my FYP with her belly fat workout. I have tried all types of abs workouts, and nothing has worked so far. Until I tried the LWR belly fat workout, the workout was standing. The moves were doable, and most importantly, they weren’t long workouts. Between LWR’s positive outlook and her belly fat workout, I became hooked. I went through her workouts and compiled three playlists full of her workouts—everything from indoor walking workouts, which I love, to prenatal and menopausal workouts. I’m not either, but they are so much fun. Although I was off to a good start, and things are finally looking up, it wasn’t without flaws.
Although I haven’t fallen, off and my breaks were not more than a week. I did fall into bad habits, meaning I was doing or even attempting to do long workouts and impossible workout schedules. I was looking at my old workout calendar, and I was manic. The weight is coming off but slowly, and my stomach still doesn’t look how I want. If I went hard, I would get what I liked quicker. I have never been a patient person, and I thought I could do it well; life has a way of humbling you because I wasn’t enjoying anything, not even the LWR workouts. I pulled back and realized I couldn’t do everything. No more than an hour workout, and it’s okay if I can’t work out six times that week as long as I still do the work. I also hold myself accountable with not one but two workout calendars: one is on my phone, and the other is my physical planner.
The ultimate goal is 15,000 steps, but I’m okay if I don’t get there, but the goal is to keep my body moving. I don’t have any wisdom, and I cheat still (today, I had buffalo wings and yogurt, and yes, they both were good). If I had any advice, don’t be stuck in the routine if it’s not serving you it’s okay to find what does serve you. The last part is something I am still working on patience. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in one day. Be patient and if your consistent you will reach your goal no matter what it is.
Thank You For Reading
Love,
DSM 💕